2020: We may have lost a lot, but we haven’t lost our calling.

I wonder what one word would describe how you feel as 2020 comes to an end? Relieved? Ready? Stuck? Hopeless? Disoriented?

In a year that has moved excruciatingly slow, made incredible demands on us physically, mentally and emotionally, and left most of us confused about which direction is up, I want you to remember this:

In all the loss, you haven’t lost your calling.

You matter. Your story, your gifts and passions, your unique way of seeing and experiencing the world. It all matters.

Maybe we should take a step back and clarify what I mean when I say “calling.” Calling comes from the Latin word vocatio. Look familiar? A lot like vocation? Well, it is. Vocation and calling are technically interchangeable. However, in our culture and context the word vocation has been co-opted and has come to mean “job.” Like the thing you do – that role you play for most hours of the day and typically get paid for.

But this is limiting.

Your calling isn’t contained in a job “out there.” To say, “I am called to be an attorney” - in my opinion – is incorrect and limiting. When you retire (if you retire) do you lose your calling? What if you become ill, or are laid off?

Calling is much deeper and broader than this. It gets at the very essence of who we were created to be, and how we each uniquely make our way through the world. It’s connected to our unique design: the million little things that make me, me and you, you. It’s the kind of stuff that shows up in any and every role we play, regardless of if it would technically be considered our “job.” At its most basic, it is found at the intersection of our Core Talents (the things that come most naturally to us) and our Heart Passions (the things we care most deeply about). We were made for opportunities that invite us to use our Core Talents for the purpose of our Heart Passions.

Now, the kind of work we pursue certainly matters. Stewardship of my calling will always look like finding opportunities that align with my unique offerings – that ask something of me that is mine to give. So, it may turn out that my calling will align with being an attorney…and probably several other possibilities as well.

The distinction I want to make here is this: you don’t go out and find your calling. Calling isn’t located in a specific job. Calling is inherent in who you uniquely are. You bring your calling into a job (or other setting) and it fits because the two align, or it doesn’t fit because they misalign.

The Latin word vocatio literally means a call, summons, or invitation. This implies a listening on our part. How do we listen for the voice of vocation? How do we discern calling?

We must learn to listen to our lives.

As Parker Palmer says, “Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.”

I must listen to my life. I must pay attention to my unique story. I must have the courage to face and name my own greatness, and my own limitations. And here is where the potential gift of 2020 really comes in….

This last year has likely felt exposing for many of us. We have hit walls. We have pushed up against our limits. We are burnt out. Which is why, we are SO READY to move on.

It makes sense. But, let’s not miss the opportunity to listen to our lives by listening to what our limitations are telling us. Parker Palmer brilliantly points out that while we tend to think of burnout as a sign of doing too much, it can also be the result of trying to give out of what we do not possess. We say yes to things we should say no to.

When we experience our limits we are being clued into our “no’s.” Our “no’s” then clarify our “yes’s.” In order to know who we are, we must know who we aren’t.

Don’t be afraid of what this past year may reveal about you. You haven’t lost yourself…in fact, chances are you’re even closer to actually identifying the real you.

And so, here’s to listening to what our lives have told us in 2020, and living faithful to our true selves in 2021!

Tech: Living with Intention (Repost)

{I originally wrote this post a few years back….but was feeling the need, personally, to revisit the following tech inventory. Today I sat and considered the social media platforms I use —really just Insta & Facebook — and wrote out the purpose of each for me in this season, and re-established boundaries accordingly. I also completely removed news rom my phone.}

As part of my Masters program, I spent considerable time reading, researching and examining the role of technology in our lives (particularly smart phones, the Internet and social media) and how it forms us. Technology is a gift and points toward humanity’s genius and creativity. But, if we are not intentional in how we orient our lives in relation to technology, it will most assuredly disorient us. Following is a suggested guideline to begin looking honestly at the technology we are using with our phones, and steps to put them in their proper place.

Taking Inventory

No plan will be successful without taking into consideration one’s current reality. We must take inventory of the devices, apps, and social media sites we use, determining their purpose and honestly determining if they help us move towards flourishing. I suggest actually listing out each device, app and social media site that you use (which may take a while!) and then ask the following questions about each: What purpose does it serve in my life, and how does that fit into my goals and priorities? Are there ways it interferes with life in unhelpful or unhealthy ways? We must be willing to get rid of devices, apps and social media sites that do not serve a clear and healthy purpose.

Boundaries

Once we have taken inventory and have determined what technologies are worthy of continuing to utilize, we must set boundaries. I would suggest the following questions to shape boundaries: What amount of time am I willing to set aside for it? How many times in a day or week will I allow myself to interact with it? Do I really need to have notifications turned on? Where will I store my devices at home and when I am on the go? Are there times when I need to turn the phone completely off, or at least on silent? Are there certain rooms in my home, or social situations, where I need to commit to not having a phone?

Solitude & Examen

“Paul Tillich has a beautiful formulation: ‘Language…has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.” For many, the temptation to pick up our phones in a moment of boredom is incredibly hard to resist. In many cases we have lost the ability to be alone with our thoughts. Perhaps we are not moving toward our phones but away from something else. Are we hiding from anxiety? Have our phones become an escape, or a way to avoid hard things? And, are we even aware of what these things are? Once we determine boundaries, we will need to implement practices that will help cultivate our ability to be quiet and reflective. I would suggest regular times set aside for examen and solitude. God has made us with the capacity to listen to our lives and to practice discernment, but this has largely remained uncultivated because we so quickly turn to our phones for answers.

Practicing Presence

If we find that our device practices have replaced much of our face-to-face interactions, we will need to intentionally cultivate the practice of presence. Jennie Allen, in her book Restless, encourages readers to make a list of their “places.” Our “places” are those that we frequent on a of consistent basis: our home and neighborhood, work place, faith community, grocery store, coffee shop, park, etc. Where do we have the opportunity to give the gift of presence? Practices may include initiating relationally with our neighbors, practicing hospitality, choosing to look up in line at the store rather than at our phone, and perhaps intentionally choosing the same cashier’s line (even if it is the longest). The idea is to acknowledge that, every day, we show up in physical spaces with real, in-flesh people. We must simply begin to initiate meaningful presence. (I get that in a Pandemic this all feels very different….but I think it is still crucial that we lean into our personal connections/relationships and find ways to creatively cultivate these. Brain science is teaching us that the look on a person’s face and the sound of their voice are really important pieces of building healthy attachment— something that can’t happen with just a text or message)

Sabbath

Along with setting boundaries around the use of our devices, we would also benefit from regular technology Sabbaths. I would suggest asking the following questions: Is there a day each week when I need to completely avoid the use of the Internet, social media and/or my phone? In addition, are there certain apps or social media sites that I would benefit from taking a longer sabbatical from?

The Examined Life.

On Saturday morning my eight-year-old daughter asked if I (Chad) would jump on the trampoline with her. I anxiously and abruptly told her no. Like most eight-year-olds, she replied with a “why”? In a sharp tone I told her that I didn’t know why, but that I couldn’t.

About an hour after parting ways with my daughter, I found some space to be curious about our interaction. Why did I so quickly reply “no” when it was the weekend? Why was my tone so sharp and not inviting? What is going on in me, perhaps unconsciously, that may be impacting this interaction?

It only took a moment for some feelings to rise to the surface: dread and anxiety. I had plans that morning for a small plumbing project, which would require turning off the water to our house. Every time I do this it reminds me of that day. The day I frantically ran downstairs to shut off the main line as the kitchen began to flood. By the time I got it shut off, water was dripping through the floor into the basement.

Dread and anxiety.

To be completely honest, these days I put off plumbing projects for a long as I can. My curiosity and reflection led me to apologize to my daughter for not being aware of what was truly impacting my response.

There is so much happening in this season of Covid 19 and social distancing. We are living through a pandemic! And, experts are proving how little we know about what the future will look like. There is so much going on underneath the surface affecting how we show up for those around us; the fear of our health, the loss of control of the future, anxiety around loss of income or maybe the struggle of multi-tasking for those that have kids at home. How much are we aware of how these fears and anxieties are impacting our daily lives? Have we slowed down enough to acknowledge how we are feeling and what is going on underneath the surface of our lives?

In his book Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up, Jerry Colonna says "When leaders fail to look at themselves, they turn their inner turmoil and very human contradictions outward. Further, unable to face their fears, they mask the anxiety with aggression. As my friend and mentor Parker Palmer, teaches, 'Violence is what we do when we don't know what to do with our suffering.' Violence to our planet, violence to our communities, and violence to ourselves are what we do when we refuse to look inward and work with the heartbreak of the everyday."

So, how do we intentionally resist allowing our suffering to turn into violence toward others? To be present and love those around us well in this season requires us living an examined life, aware of our shadows and all that is impacting us. The following are some possible questions to ask ourselves as we choose to explore what is happening inside of us:

“How am I feeling? (Google the “feelings wheel” to access a plethora of words)
What is on my mind?
What am I anxious or fearful of?
How are my feelings and fears impacting those around me?
What may I be hiding from others?
Where is my heart in this season?
Is it open or closed off to the potential pain and disappointment?
Who in my life can I let in to how I am feeling? ”